Of Pencil skirts and Crop Tops!!

I am really really really tired of people trying to much to fit in. Now, now now Ladies I gat beef with y’all walking like ducks in those pencil skirts, blonde ,purple and green horse powers on your heads.Why do you worry us with those skirts?Now we have to have the ambulance driver’s number on speed dial because you might trip and break your neck.I think We need to hold a ‘kamukunji’ and have a very serious discussion.
I know you sing along to Iggy’s song, ‘Mediocre ‘ in the shower with that rusty voice of yours which is by the way worse than a cock’s crow. Your neighbors need not set an alarm on their phones because well you are noisier, too bad they cannot snooze you.
So now pencil skirts, damn!! How do I say this without sounding nasty? Uumh.. Go to your mirror or your neighbor’s, look at your pretty face. That’s all you need to show us. We do not need to know you have skinny legs or picture how your butt looks like. Let’s just say if you behind is not as appealing as Vera Sidika’s, Huddah Monroe, Sanaipei Tande or mine just donate that skirt to people who would actually look good in it.
Those things look mediocre on ladies who’ve got a dull future behind them.
To us with curves on every part of our bodies, please I beg do not touch that crop top!! If you really must wear that crop top do them sit ups , leg throws and whatever else people do to get flat tummies. We do not need to see that stomach hanging out.

Instead of ranting here I will give you information about your body shape that you do not know about because if you did you would not put on those things and look like a perfect example of mediocrity.Now ladies, we all have body shapes but do you know yours?Read this and change your wardrobe if it needs changing.

• Straight Body shape-The bust and hips are basically the same size. The waist is slightly smaller than the bust and hips.hehe DO NOT PUT ON SKINNY ANYTHINGS!
• Pear body shape-The hips are larger than the bust, and the waist gradually slopes out to the hips.DRESS WHATEVER YOU WANT TO GIRL!
• Spoon body type-The hips are larger than the bust and the hips have a”shelf” appearance. The waist is slightly smaller than the bust.YOUR BODY SHAPE IS OKAY , REFRAIN FROM ANYTHING PENCIL-LIKE THOUGH

• Hour glass body type-The bust and hips are basically the same size and your waist is well defined.FIRST OF ALL GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE AND MODEL, SECONDLY I ENVY YOU .PUT ON ANYTHING YOU WANT,EVEN A HANDKERCHIEF .

• Top Hourglass body type-The bust is larger than the hips and the waist is well defined.CROP TOPS ARE FOR YOU HUN,ROCK THEM!

• Oval Body Type-The waist is larger than the bust and hips. The hips are narrow compared to the shoulders. Breasts are ample in size.YOU ARE FREE TO DO CROP TOPS
• Inverted triangle body type-The bust is large, the hips are narrow and the waist is not very well defined. Hehe FORGET PENCIL SKIRTS, DO LESS TIGHT JEANS OR SKIRTS OR MAXI DRESSES
• Diamond Body Type– The waist is larger than the bust and hips. The shoulders are narrow compared to the hips. Breasts are small to medium in size.DO NOT PUT ON CROP TOPS IF THIS IS YOUR BODY SHAPE
  

  So ladies,don’t just dress your body, dress your body shape.